I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
