no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
