My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
