So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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