I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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