i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
