So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
