there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ugly people sure do ruin things
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
