belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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