haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
