Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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