I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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