my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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