hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
