I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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