Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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