Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
