My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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