naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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