you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
