But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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