this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
