She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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