This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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