i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
