i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
