God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
