i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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