I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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