I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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