I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
pray to the hookup gods
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
