capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
