A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
