Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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