So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
