rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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