This girl is more easily done than said...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
