Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
