What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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