So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
