My friends, they love my intelligence
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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