I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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