Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
