rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
