Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
