There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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