Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Send us your Text From Last Night!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Loading more great texts...