Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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