i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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