just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
