I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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