The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
