Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
