is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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