Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
