dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
