I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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