The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
