I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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