Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize