I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
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