I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
