i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
