i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
