i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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