im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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