Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
