My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
