Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
