I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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