If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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