ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
