Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
