Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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