i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
