We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
