I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
