I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
